And the Number 1 Dried Frog Pill Recipient for 2007 is:

Dried Frog Pills are the number one cure for the hyperventilating masses who need a conspiracy to make their empty lives complete. Dried Frog Pills are able to make the insane hallucinate that they’re suffering from a bout of sanity and let the rest of us get a good nights sleep free from their mental blathering. 

And now it’s down to the final presentation. Yes, the field of entrants is large and dedicated to making life miserable for us normal folk, but I’m sure you’ll agree my final choice reflects all that is wrong with political life in America today. Normally I don’t want to be considered ‘piling on’ when I point out the faults and shortcomings of a political group, and even though the far left has more than their share of faults – to the point where I’m sure they actually are borrowing faults from other groups to bolster their looniness – I’m sure you’ll agree with me that the choice for the #1 Recipient for a life long Dried Frog Pill cocktail (5 Dried Frog Pills, 245 mg Thorazine,  1 oz Bombay Sapphire, 4 oz Schweppes Tonic, and a twist of lime over cracked ice) displays everything that’s embarrassing, ignorant, and blatantly stupid with the American system and they do it with a style that makes one shake their head in wonder and amazement.*  

This group not only embodies all that’s wrong with extreme politics in America today, they are generally the cause of all that’s wrong with extreme politics in America today. So without further ado let me introduce the ‘winners’ of the 2007 prescription: those sad folks suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome: the acute onset of paranoia in otherwise normal people in reaction to the policies, the presidency — nay — the very existence of George W. Bush.

This mental disorder, discovered by Dr. Charles Krauthammer is a loss of the capability for rational thought; this loss is displayed over a period of hours, days, months, and even years. The sufferer in all cases irrationally blames President George W. Bush for any and all types of disasters, human maladies, etc. despite abundant evidence of contrary causal effects. BDS is also manifested in many sufferers by a determination to label President Bush as the greatest single threat to democracy and freedom in the United States.

 

Did I say irrationally? Oh yes, you betcha. One of the first diagnosed sufferers is the former singer Barbara Streisand, she famously wrote a memo to Dick Gephardt in 2002 that the president was dragging us toward war to satisfy, among the usual corporate malefactors who “clearly have much to gain if we go to war against Iraq,” the logging industry.  

The Logging Industry. Yeah. She said that.  

At first Bush Derangement Syndrome only struck people with a previously compromised intellectual immune system, like Barbara Streisand, Alec Baldwin, Rosie O’Donnell. Even people that have shown no capacity for intellectual thought such as Keith Olberman, but then it was discovered in people that most Americans once thought were above intellectual paralysis: Dan Rather, Bill Moyers, Howard Dean.

These are the morons that, without any historical insight what so ever, have compared Bush with Hitler. These people have actually, publicly, and with little shame or embarrassment have blamed George Bush for the Rt. 35 Bridge Disaster in Minneapolis, The California Wildfires, Dead Salmon, Hurricane Katrina, the Bhutto assassination, the Lance Armstrong-Sheryl Crow split, at least one abortion (it’s stupid), steroids in baseball, and a mall shooting in Houston, honest!

He’s been blamed for not signing the Kyoto Protocol, even though President Clinton had already signed it. He’s been blamed for invading Iraq, even though President Clinton had signed that policy into law in 1998. He’s s been blamed for having the most corrupt administration in history even though actual facts show that honor falls to Ulysses Grant (Clinton is #2, Carter #3). He’s been blamed for calling up the national guard even though the viscous and treasonous cuts in the military budget and manning by President Clinton made it mandatory. He’s been blamed for not catching Osama Bin Laden even though Bin Laden’s freedom was a gift from President Clinton. 

The things he hasn’t been blamed for: Three terrorist nations abandoning their nuclear arms races, a significant drop in cancer rates, historically low unemployment, historically high Dow Jones rates, and a historic low in presidential pardons to drug dealers.

 These people go beyond the boundaries of stupidity, they’re wallowing in the depths of denial, hysteria, and hallucination. The most mentally paralyzed tend to place Hitler and Stalin above President Bush because “They meant well” and they tend to use terms like “Evil” when describing Bush’s most socialist programs (Social Security Reforms, Prescription Drug benefits for seniors, Educational improvements) and “Selfish” when describing his space program, and of course “Pure Evil” when describing the war on terrorism. 

You have to understand in this hysterical, paranoid schizophrenic little world these people voluntarily created for themselves, IslamoFacist terrorists are the good guys, genocide is savior of liberal mankind and anyone who gets in the way is “Pure Evil”. To these formerly rational people a degree from Harvard and Yale is meaningless and anyone that can’t pronounce nuclear is a drooling moron. (When reminded that Einstein pronounced nuclear the same way they tend to become hysterical and verbally abusive) Want to really set them off? Just remind them that George Bush has one more year left in office:

I don’t think that even Dried Frog Pills can help these poor souls (if they have a soul anymore) because in the advanced stages of BDS, like CDS (Clinton Denial Syndrome) the intellectual capabilities of the sufferers completely shut down to a point where they’re slobbering, raving purveyors of the most stupid and pathetic drivel. Thier blathering is the intellectual equivilant of the pea soup scene from The Excorcist. 

One can only wish that their passing is painless.

For us.   

*This is the longest sentence I’ve ever written